Sunday, February 22, 2009

Bouncy techno meets terrible rapping? Welcome to Donk.

Keen on sportswear? Prone to taking your shirt off in clubs? Donk is made for you!

If you are someone who is au fait with the most recent happenings in the worlds of happy hardcore, gabba and hard house, you will know all about donk. If you don't do speed and aren't too keen on taking your shirt off in clubs, you probably won't.

Donk is the latest incarnation of bouncy techno (you know, that cheesy banging garbage with staccato riffs and off-beat stabs from the early 90s that brain-dead idiots love), which was regrettably given a new lease of life recently.

The genre gets its name from the onomatopoeic goofy-sounding mid-beat stabs that are littered throughout tracks. The poster boys of the scene are a Bolton collective called Blackout Crew - an amalgam of bad hair gel, really amateur MCing that is reminiscent of kids that have been starved of oxygen at birth and sportswear. Lots of sportswear.

Their latest single is the soon-to-be epochal donk anthem Put A Donk On It. The video (see above) has clocked up close to 900,000 hits on YouTube in less than a month and surprisingly most of the people leaving comments seem to love it.

If you're craving for more donk, check out Donkfusion's Here Comes The Donk, Donk Devils' A Little More Donk and, the most terrifying of all, Chemical Crew's What's a Donk?, which is so awful it makes Blackout Crew seem subtle and refined. It has Crazy Frog-esque chants, a sample of some annoying Australian people talking and a piano riff so cheesy it instantly stimulates my gag reflex and makes me sick up in my mouth. It also comes complete with a high-pitched bastardised Dizzee Rascal song on the b-side. Urgh.

Anyway, Put A Donk On It is available for download on All Around The World today. For the good of humanity I would encourage you to actively prevent people from buying it... Enjoy!

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